This morning you asked me if it has felt that long. My answer surprised you. Yes, there are times when a moment flashes through my memory, and I feel like it happened only yesterday. Most days, I can no longer categorize my memories into pre and post you. I can look at a photo from my childhood and remember, but my eyes always scan for your face and my mind wonders what you were doing in that instant. I know you were not there and yet I don’t. Memories are tricky little things.
At the risk of sounding cliche, you have been my constant, for twenty-two years. When I get lost in the day to day stress, when anxiety creeps in and settles, when the chronic pain has worn me down, you are my light. You are my home. My hand just fits in yours. Your arms are always there when my legs choose to not quite work. Your eyes are what I search for when I scan a room. Your smile calms my chaos.
Today, my mother told us that “we make it work.” There are days when the work feels tedious, suffocating, impossible. On those days, those difficult days (like tonight,) I look for your light. Our journey has been happy and sad and messy and loud.
Some days it feels like we have been us since the beginning of time. Some days it feels like we’re just beginning.
bean láidir 